They say the sins of the father will be visited upon the son. I never knew my father but based on the burden I’ve bared since birth, he must’ve been the devil himself because I’ve been paying time after time. If it wasn’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. You’re looking at a walking drama. The pain of Motown. You ever heard of Murphy’s Law? That’s based on my life and yes, I’ve lived wrong! I’m a walking country song. Think of the saddest story you can tell, I’ve lived it and the sequel. It’s what makes me, me. Its who I am.
My whole life, I’ve been playing the hand I’ve been dealt and trying to win. I’ve been trying to bluff my way to a Royal flush with one of a kind but that’s life. My whole life was based on survival. Every move I’ve taken, ever decision I’ve made, I was trying to survive another day. You take a breath, you take it for granted. When I take a breath it’s a success, a blessing. “To live is to suffer. To survive is to fine meaning and to suffer.” Poetic. One of my favorite quotes. It cuts deep to the soul. Deeper than any scar you can find on my body and I have plenty. Scars galore. Physical, mental, emotional. They cut, and they go deep.
You see at some point I believe you’ve gotta seek a balance in life. The more you do wrong the more you gotta do right. It’s called Karma and it is a vengeful lady. So, to live a life well-orchestrated you’ve gotta accept the wrongs you’ve done and find a way to right them. You burn a tree down, you plant a seed. Balance. It took me years to realize that. It took me years to realize my worth.
Being a pit, you develop a rep quick. Your cute factor has a short expiration date. I vaguely remember being a pup and someone saying, “He’s so cute.” By the time I could stand on my own people would just stop and stare. By the time I could walk without falling over they were crossing the street to avoid walking past me.
It’s a difficult feeling to process. Being young, having someone look at you then judging you. At a time when you’re already confused about who you are and who you want to be. Watching someone make a decision for you can be daunting. To watch it happen to another however is almost…freeing. You know there’s others like you out there, an instant kindred spirit.
I remember the first time it happened. I was well into accepting walking the sidewalks alone when I spotted a Doberman. He was sitting near a walkway when a woman approached him, stopped before she got too close and stared. I could see the thought process in her head as she decided her next move. “To pet or not to pet?”
The young Doberman watched on, even smiled at the woman. I could see his confusion, “Why the hesitation? I’m wagging my tail. Where’s my head pet and scratch under my chin?” Yep, I’ve been there before but none came. He was crushed and the first black spot on an innocent pup’s heart appeared. My kindred.
I introduced myself to the Doberman. I explained to him what happened, why it happened and what to expect. The world was only going to get rougher but at least we’d be there for each other to face it. Two of a kind.